The other day, a friend from school invited me to tea.
“I’d like to take you to a genuine salon de thé” were his exact words. So, I met him at the metro and we walked through le Marais to a cute little tea house. There, he asked me what I wanted from the menu, asked me if I wanted a dessert to go along with my tea, and ordered for me. We had great conversation and the tea was delicious. We really did have a fabulous time.
When the bill came, I sat back and allowed him to take care of it – after all his exact words had been “I’d like to take you to a genuine salon de tea”. Perhaps he didn’t understand this connotation in English because he asked me if I had 10 euros. Luckily I did and it was really no big deal – but it just got me wondering…
What is a lady supposed to do when the bill comes?
I guess you have to look at the dynamic of the relationship. We are not dating, so many people would think it is indecorous for me to expect to be paid for. But why does this practice have to be preserved for courtship? Why can’t it just be apart of consideration and friendship?
I am a 19-year-old college student living alone in Paris. I do not have the luxury of going to a dining common three times a day. I don’t have a dorm concierge to take care of my household needs. I can’t ask my mother to run to the store and buy me some new shoes. I don’t have a father who hands me extra money for a cab home. I live on a strict budget that includes rent, utilities, transportation, and most importantly – food. So when someone asks me out for lunch – it’s sort of a special occasion. (okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit as I usually do eat lunch out – but I’m not going to tea houses and ordering desserts!)
One might argue that paying for a lunch is not typically apart of friendship. My guy friends do it all the time for each other for no reason at all. “Naw man I got it, don’t even worry about it”. They do it because they are friends and they want to take care of each other. It’s so generous. But when you add a young woman to the equation (someone who could actually probably use it) everything all of the sudden changes and these boys aren’t so charitable.
Perhaps it would have been different if I hadn’t sat back and allowed him to take care of things. Another friend of mine said that it is rude for a girl to just sit there with a smile on her face expect him to pay. But I personally feel more uncomfortable bumbling through my purse waiting for a man to say, “I got it.” I only want to take out my wallet if I have the fullest expectation of paying. Why pretend? Why not allow the gentleman to take care of me? As soon as he pays, I say thank you and perhaps invite him back to my place for ice cream or something.
I guess the immodestly lies in the expectation on my part. I will admit that it is awkward for me to assume that a man (friend, boyfriend, lover, whatever) will take care of me in this way. If this interaction had been in America, I would have most definitely taken out my wallet. Had it been a close friend living alone like me, I would have taken out my wallet. Had I known that my friend was struggling I probably would have paid. However, there is nothing wrong with a young woman allowing herself to be taken care of when the situation warrants it.
Flirting in Paris. 