Singledom.

The last time we went to Vegas, my best friend was such a bore.

“LET’S GO!” I cried, “YOU HAVE THAT HOT SWEDISH GUY, ANDRE, WAITING FOR YOU AT THE CLUB!”

She’d been sulking around our hotel room eating room service watching Rush Hour flicks in her granny robe and hair bonnet. After 15 hours, she pulled herself out of bed, slopped on some make up, and left with me to the club.

The girl was too comfortable being single.

It’s easy to get cozy when you’re single: No need to shave, no need to do your laundry, you’re free to eat too many burritos and let your ass get fat, you can actually get some sleep!!! Or not, because you were out last night with what’s-his-face. You don’t owe anybody anything!

But is it healthy?

Have you ever been with a girl or guy who has been célibataire for too long?

Sometimes they jidder and shake from the lack of release.

Some dudes get angst and pick fights.

They lurk behind chicks at clubs unsure of how to approach.

Girls get needy with their friends. They throw themselves at nerdy or unsafe men. They come on to their guy friends.

They’ve lost their ability to make human connections, to flirt, to have a bit of fun. They’re desperate!

I normally hate on relationships

…but tonight, I’m hating on singledom.

One is the loneliest number? Je pense pas.

Sympa.

“So what do you like about him?” My girlfriend asked me.

“He’s um….we’ll he’s…”

“Please don’t tell me he’s nice,” she interrupted.

There was a pause.

“Well…. he’s very sweet…. and …..he……makes me feel comfortable in my own skin.”

There was another long pause.

“He’s an actor…” I ventured, as if it were a redeeming quality.

“….Oh okay so he must be hot?”

There was another long silence. I could not confirm that he was hot.

“Okay so he’s nice,” my friend had read my mind, “do you know what else is ‘nice’?”

“What?” what I asked — being tugged along in my friend’s game.

“A friendship.” 

I laughed. But deep down I felt conflicted. In some cases, life is black and white. It seems like nowadays men come in two sizes: either they are tall, attractive, intelligent, ambitious, thoughtless, selfish and hurtful…………

….or simply ‘nice’

I don’t have the time or energy to wait for what comes in between.

La vie belle.

Hey you, I’ve been working like a dog these past couple of weeks. Work 9-5, then class until 8, and on the weekends I work at the restaurant, so I have no time to play. I’ll call you when I have a chance. Soft kisses. 

 

That’s a lie, I have plenty of time to play.

Play is as simple as smiling coquettishly at a gentleman who wears a nice suit, going to dinner with a handsome stranger, or reading a dirty novella in French on the metro. You can splurge on a brand new pair of Tory Burch leather boots, drink three Hairy Navels before bedtime, and then wake up, put on a fresh face, and head out the door.

What would all this be for if it weren’t for play? 

Yes, I work like a dog, but everyone in Manhattan works, so really that’s just an excuse.

I cannot decide if it’s because I’m strong or if it’s because I’m weak.

Which is more tenacious?

To be in control of your own life and hold your destiny by the reins,

or to fall into the arms of something greater than you can even begin to imagine…. 

Right now, I’m going to say the former.

I cannot handle anything that I cannot handle.

 

His terms. Her terms.

I’ve been told several times that women have all the power.

Each time I almost choke up my drink from laughing so hard.

“Really? You think that we have the power?” 

Men usually stare back at me blankly, unsure if I’m being sarcastic.

So I explain, “Do you know how many relationships I’ve been in that were on his terms?”

Sure, when it comes to sex with a respectful man it is usually does begin on my terms. But the golden rule philosophy that I advocated so fervently two years ago is long, longover. Who wants to wait three weeks, three months, (heck even three days) for something that is so mutually wonderful?

What does it mean to be on his terms? You see each other when he is available. You have an exclusive relationship if he wants to. You stay mainly at his place. Yes, he may be kind enough to take you out to dinner or buy your movie tickets, but it’s still on his terms.

You’re here because he wants you here, when he’s ready for you to go, you go.

It’s pathetic. I don’t blame it on culture, it’s purely my own damn fault. But I have no interest in manipulation, I enjoy intimacy, I give in too easily. My best friend knows how to catch ‘em and keep ‘em with her sharp tongue and quick temper. She uses sex as punishment and reward. She likes to play games.

And so, my young mind inquires how does a woman have a relationship on equal terms without playing stupid love games. Is it a matter of whom you choose? How you choose? Where you choose? Does it depend on where you are in your life?

I’m going to ponder this question, experiment a bit, and get back to you about it later. Surely, there is a smart answer. I’m so tired of feeling like I have no control because I took control of what I really wanted.

La sincérité.

Allow me to share some important advice about dating…

…a rule that a lot of women don’t realize until it’s too late.

A man will tell you who he is from the very beginning.

-If you’re on a first date and he jokingly admits that he spends too much money, than you should make a mental note that he has trouble balancing his finances.

-If you’ve already started dating and he says that he’s not really into sex (some men just aren’t because they’re insecure, take medication or just secretly gay), then sooner or later you’re going to have some trouble in the bedroom.

-If you are friends and he admits that he’s cheated a lot on his past girlfriends, THAN YOU DAMN WELL SHOULD KNOW HE’S A CHEATER!

Listen to what a man says. There is no excuse. A woman knows exactly what she is heading into if she’s smart enough to pay attention.

I was once on a date with a man I’d just met. Though he was entertaining, charismatic, chivalrous and charming there was something strange about his eyes. They were too pale blue, too magnetic. We chatted and laughed and enjoyed what was otherwise a great time, and as we pulled up to the restaurant, he ended his comical story with:

“….afterall I’m kind of crazy.”

“What?” I said, flabbergasted and suddenly uncomfortable.

“I can just be kind of crazy sometimes…” He repeated laughing.

Despite a great first date, I never called him again.

Un groupe de garçons.

I am astounded by the dynamics of male friends.

I’ve mentioned before that I prefer the company of boys. There is something so right about un group de garcons.

I have no idea why….Boys in a group are extremely boring. All they do are crack dumb jokes, make fun of one other, then smoke marijuana, play video games in complete silence, finally grab some food and begin again.

And yet I cannot get enough. I’d pick a group of nice boys over a group of chicks any day.

Is it possible for a straight girl to spend a life without boys? I mean, girlfriends spend 80 – 85 % of their time talking about boys : old boyfriends, past heartbreaks, cute new boys, potentials, and (above all) the lack of a man in one’s life. When she does eventually find a man, a girlfriend disappears completely into abyss. She is no longer herself, she becomes a “we”…

Oh, we’re going to spend the night in…We’re kind of tired….We had a long day…Have fun though!

Boys will not do this. I once had a boyfriend who’d flee my arms immediately if his “bros” invited him for a session of pot and video games… (wtf?)

Well, you know what, I can do this too. I will from flee the arms of my man for girl talk, cigarettes, and dancing, you’ll see !………

…………

 

La mort par noyade.

It’s difficult to know when it’s time to move on.

Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a car, an apartment, a friendship,

When do we decide that we’re worth more?

For me, leaving is the easy part. If I’m not satisfied, I know I’ll be happier without it in the long run.

The difficult part is that unspecified period of time when your drifting in an endless abyss of uncertainty just waiting for something better to come along. You almost become more vulnerable, because in six months WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN!

So, you take another job/boyfriend/roommate/whatever just to secure the next six months, even though you know you’re worth more. And again, we’re dissatisfied.

By accepting this temporary safety fix, do we lower our value?

Or is it better to flounder, search, wait, then possibly drown.

Ma recherche.

As promised, I’ve posted a snip-it of my research regarding Franco-American relationships.

I wrote a paper on the topic last month and I want to share with you my findings. Overall, research suggests that French people tend have to fewer partners than Americans during their lifetimes, maintain more long-term committed relationships, are more likely to be monogamous, and enjoy more frequent sex. One could argue that Americans place more emphasis on the noncommittal aspect of sex and often to do not enjoy sex as often as their French counterparts. Moreover, the Frenchwomen continue to enjoy fulfilling sex lives past their primes as French culture promotes vitality further into maturity.

• French women choose their sexual partner more slowly than women in the U.S.
• French women enter into sexual relationships at a later age.
• Later in life, French women continue to be more sexually active than American woman
• More French couples choose to live together without being married or live alone while being in a committed relationship
• Between relationships stages, French men and women take fewer noncommittal sexual partners.
• Both American women and men in the U.S. more likely to have a series of short relationships before settling down with a stable partner.
• In France, a sexual committed relationship involves a higher degree of commitment

• Though French men and women enjoy frequent sex, a more personal and committed emphasis is placed on one’s sexuality.

 

Veuillez me contacter si vous lisez plus de ma recherche.

La femme de sa vie.

There are some guys who just don’t date?

For years they stride through life without commitments, flippantly enjoying romantic affairs from beautiful woman to beautiful woman. Often these men are rich, attractive, or extremely charismatic. And they’re usually nice guys, just not that interested in being tied down in a steady relationship like the rest of us.

And then after years you hear through the grape vine that he’s with some chick.

I found out that an old bachelor friend of mine had finally settled down with a cute girl. She was indeed quite lovely — though somewhat naive and demure — an oddly suited choice for this classic bachelor quite frankly.

“Is it the right girl or just the right time in his life” I asked myself.

So, I asked my mom’s boyfriend (a former none serious relationship dude back in the day)…

“So usually it’s a bit of both,” he explained. “He’s tired of the game and just wants to settle down. Guys like that are usually very critical so he must think she’s nearly flawless. It’s not always a bad thing though, usually a girlfriend makes a man like that a better person.“

Rendre l’âme.

The ghost of a woman

noun

1. a woman who haunts the heart of a lovesick man. Now for whatever painful reason he is no longer with her and cannot move on: I spent the night with Jake, but all through his house there was the ghost of another woman.

Even if its been two years, she will continue to haunt his thoughts, his dreams, his home, his life. You will find out about her rather quickly. There are remnants of her image everywhere — giant paintings of nude figures, handwritten lyrics on old napkin scraps, random articles of clothing in empty drawers, facebook photos. She may or may not have been beautiful. She may have been a total bitch — it will not matter to him. He will call her an x girlfriend, but trust me that isn’t how he feels in his heart.

Just don’t expect very much from men haunted by the ghost of a woman, they’re useless.